Be Here, Go Rest
NICU 34
Day 113 - 116
Gestation 39 weeks
Kayden weights in at 3.22kg, he lost 5grams with the breastfeeding increasing. Makes sense he is working for it and there’s no fortifier in those feeds.
It’s Tuesday which means eye test. We will do this one, he has been off respiratory support over a week now and I’m confident he won’t back step in his breathing. His eyes are, drum roll please, the same. Well, a slight improvement on the left eye. Goes to show we made the right choice.
I chat to the lactation consultant, speech therapist snd developmental therapist about feeding. The NG feeds are making him uncomfortable, he squirms and pushes them up. We have decided to stop the fortifier and see if that makes a difference. He is wasting energy if he’s uncomfortable, energy that could be used for breastfeeding.
Kayden is exhausted from the eye test, I won’t be able to get him on the breast so I head home. Sylvie and I had popsicles on the deck and played in the mini pool.
I came back to hospital around 9pm and they said he’s been sleeping all day. Should make for an interesting night. And it was, not just Kayden awake but one of the dads peed all over the toilet. Just another thing that makes me want to go home.
In the afternoon I did a mad sort of Sylvie old clothes. I even rearranged her room, Lee moved the guest bed to the garage and I put all Kayden clothes away. Lucky boy has been given so much clothes!
I donated some milk to a really lovely mama and her sweet baby. I found her through a Facebook page. The donor bank is taking too long and I need to make space. I really vibed with her, I could feel the love she had for her baby. I’m keen to keep donating to her.
And crash! I am so burnt out and today we have a meeting with the team about going home. I’m excited and exhausted.
Ok that meeting was not what I expected. I was under the impression we were discussing discharge and strategies for continuing at home. It was not, it was all about feeding.
There are 5 people with Lee and I in this meeting, all different specialists. They want Kayden to be doing 4/5 wakeful breastfeeds in a 24hr period. Using the Ng tube less and proving he can gain weight. They’re giving the impression we could still be weeks away from home.
I’m so broken. That’s not what I thought this meeting was about and I’m so burnt out. I just want to be home. I explained the toll it’s taking on us as a family. Sylvie is getting no Mum time, Mum is crashing out and Lee, who’s Lee? We are like ships passing in the night.
They recommend I take time off the hospital, that I sleep at home to get a good rest and take time for Sylvie. But how do I achieve the 4/5 breastfeeds without being there. If you calculate feeding every 3 hours that means while I am there he has to be perfect. That’s not enough opportunities , where at home he gets all the chances in a 24 he period. Am I making sense?
I am happy to learn the NG tube and go home with it. Lee is adamant he won’t need it and says confidently that he has predicted much of Kaydens journey, we don’t need it. I will do anything to get us home.
So the logic of this conversation is backwards, I need to feed him but I need to take care of myself. And ping, what about bottles? If I’m not here and he does a bottle does that count as a wakeful feed?
Yes agreed. Bottles and boob count for wakeful feeds. We call the meeting cause the vibe is getting odd. Everyone bar one person can see I’m breaking. It starting to feel like she is holding us back here.
Lee and I do baby CPR with the nurse, it feels good to get something positive accomplished after that meeting.
I swear Kayden magically hears everything! He wasn’t even in the meeting room. Overnight he did two full bottles, scoring him 7 wakeful feeds. It’s like he knows the criteria to get home and was like okay guys I got this.
I gave away some more milk, I was so focused on her car description and keeping the milk frozen that I nearly went right past her in the lobby.
Next day Kayden did epic breastfeeds, he is really trying to prove himself. He overdid it a bit and spewed milk all over me. And then down my back. Thankfully because I have been doing overnights, I have a spare shirt. Definitely no NG needed for this feed.
The paediatrician came in and said he did so well overnight, if he keeps this up we could be headed home soon.
In the afternoon, Kayden was so sleepy and I really wanted to keep our wakeful feeds up. So we did a bath and it worked like a charm. He loved it and then did another great feed.
Common buddy, we got this!