Mamas Got to Eat
NICU 33
Day 107 - 112
Gestation 38 weeks
The next day and we have been offered a room in the unit! Another step closer to home.
I feel like I am more myself in our little room. I can sing to him and tell him funny stories without disturbing others. In my own room I can take off my mask and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him.
He will start to wean his caffeine which takes 5 days. And I can stay overnight to work on feeding.
The paediatrician who was MIA for the eye test debacle yesterday came to have a chat. She says if it was her baby she would have done the eye test. What a silly thing to come and say. The testing people are gone, you can’t get them back. I asked for your input yesterday morning and you weren’t around, it’s too late for your words now. It’s in the past now, so please take your fears out of my vibe.
We had our first sleepover and we did well. Typical newborn behaviours, cluster feeding and up every 3 hours. Unfortunately the baby right behind the door wasn’t interested in letting me sleep. He screamed for hours. It’s pretty frustrating when it’s not your baby keeping you up. At 3am, I asked the nurse to do an NG feed for Kayden , that other baby hadn’t let me have a wink of sleep and I was exhausted.
The next day we did our first shnuggle bath. It was hilarious, I took loads of photos. He looks like an old fat man chillin out in a day spa.
Then he passed his hearing test. Another test ticked off for heading home.
We had another sleepover and it’s was similar, cluster feeding and sleeping through the 3am feed.
The next day I hung out with Sylvie. I felt so guilty for not being with Kayden and working on the feeding but Sylvies missing her mum. There is no winning. I’m mentally struggling today and the stress is getting to my stomach causing me pain.
I get into hospital in the afternoon to find Kayden is wire free. It makes me so happy, I really needed some good news. I can do a twirl and walk around with him, not that there’s anywhere to go but I could if there was.
He had an apnea pad under his bed and that’s all. I have to remember to turn it off when I take him out or it alarms loudly.
Our sleepover goes much the same, he is cluster feeding then asleep through the 3am. Sounds ideal but for his growth he needs to have a feed every 3 hours. So he gets that one for free down the NG tube.
In the morning, Kaydens all settled so I go to have breakfast. It hasn’t arrived and I’m super hungry so I asked the nurses, they said to wait for it. It’s another frustration that makes me want to go home so badly. My baby is settled, I’m hungry and I can’t help myself to breakfast. I wait 30 minutes and still no breakfast has come. Unfortunately SCBU doesnt have the same kitchen facilities as NICU. I even asked at one point if I could bring and donate a toaster to the unit and was told it’s a health and safety issue.
Now Kayden is getting grizzly, I have lost that moment. It’s so important to take advantage of those moments to take of yourself but I can’t here. I’m started to feel more trapped here than needing to be here.
Still no breakfast, so I sneak into maternity ward to sort myself out.
Mamas got to eat.