Busy Day, Grumpy Night

NICU 9

So many lines, holding hands with a blood transfusion

So many lines, holding hands with a blood transfusion

Day 16 

Gestation 25 weeks

The lactation consultant visits, I find it super awkward. I’m sorry I know they have their place and have helped many women but it’s simply not my vibe. Even with Sylvie I found she over stepped. I remember her trying to swaddle Sylvie for me and I asked her not to, she physically blocked me from the incubator. She then proceeded to swaddle her and moments later the muslin was over Sylvie’s face. Now, being my second rodeo, I would have stood my ground more. Not just with her uninvited touching my baby but the oppressive treatment.


In my mom journey, I have met three lactation consultants and 2 made me feel like a kid being bullied. Some of the things that were said to me were super inappropriate. Sadly, I have heard so many stories from other women that follow the same pattern. They incite fear and create unnecessary pressure. Pressure that stresses women out and are actually counter productive to milk production. Breaks my heart to see a mum crying in the mums lounge massaging her breasts raw.

In my personal experience, being calm is so vital to my milk flow. I envision a waterfall going through the top of my head and flowing out my breasts. Anyways, I just think there should be more about relaxing and helping women find what works for them instead of calculators and reciting all the available pamphlets.


Moving along, Kayden is in for a busy day. His sugars are low and he may need insulin. He is going to get his second blood transfusion and another ultrasound for his heart. 


The Dr. can still hear the heart murmur, this is the blood flowing through the pda valve. 


There is some confusion on his weight, he is either losing weight or the last time his lines weren’t subtracted from the total. To explain more, he gets weight in his incubator and they have to subtract anything attached to him like the NG tube, nappy or IV lines. He is now weighting in at 582grams. He has not gained much since birth, only 17 grams. It is super frustrating because he would be so much stronger if he could get closer to 750grams. He will need this muscle to breath on cpap when we try again. 


It was a long busy day and as I get myself ready for bed then trouble finds me. I was just doing my normal bedtime routine, I went to go pee and blood. A lot of blood. I called Lee upstairs and we rung the midwife. 


It’s gross I know, I’m sorry but honestly so important, I took and sent my midwife a photo. I’ll stress this again, what you call a lot of blood some else may not. It’s important they know so they can give the best advice, but it was a lot of blood. She said to monitor it for an hour at least before going to bed. If it is eases back to go into the women’s assessment unit at the hospital tomorrow morning.


I’m so grumpy about it, I march downstairs and plunk on the couch. The days are so long and mentally exhausting. I just want to sleep. I thought I was nearly healed postpartum and was all buzzed that it was done. With Sylvie it took six weeks so I was thinking smaller placenta equals faster healing time. Being all healed also meant I could focus more on Kayden. But no, the drama continues and my uterus remains a jerk.

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