It’s a lot a lot a lot

NICU 2

Holding onto daddy

Day 2 

Gestation 23 weeks

On day 2, Lee named him Kayden meaning fighter and we gave him my name as his middle name. I can confidently say that his middle name is Alexander because we need him to be as strong as his Mama. It was another slow motion moment writing his name on his incubator, like a thing of permanence but also really scary. No matter what happens now his name is Kayden.

He got his first present! I happy cried, it’s a blue jellycat bunny from my girlfriends in Canada. A sweet pick me up I definitely needed, sometimes it’s those small wins. As I will come to learn, with a micro prem baby it is really important to celebrate all those small wins. 

Doctors rounds come through three times daily. They are telling us he is in the honeymoon period and to be prepared for a roller coaster ride. They are very encouraging of parents to be involved, to ask for explanations and raise questions. We see him everyday, whereas the nurses are rotating so it’s important for us to have a voice and raise anything we notice.

He will be getting his first blood transfusion and they are keeping an eye on his low sodium. He gets 2ml of milk every 2 hours through an NG tube and we have approved for him to receive antibiotics.  He has a small skin irritation under his arm and side. They have swabbed it to test for infection. He is also getting an X-ray to check his umbilical lines are well placed and have not shifted. There is a slight murmur in his heart and they will get the ultrasound to check.

They give us the best and worst case scenario of everything.

It’s a lot! It’s a lot to understand and it’s a lot to worry about it. It’s a big mental load to carry and heavy on the heart. The doctors reassure us that these are common hurdles for his gestation. They can be treated and resolved. 

We are only gently putting our hands in the incubator at this stage. We are both holding back on touching him too much. He is so tiny, we don’t want to introduce anything into his incubator environment and we don’t want to jostle the umbilical lines. It’s cautiously heartbreaking but we agree it’s best to leave him in the hands of nurses. One day he’ll come home and be all ours.