The Feel of his Heart Beating in my Hands

The Start 12

My room on the ward aka birthday bed

I woke up at about 230am feeling uncomfortable. I called the nurse in to help me have a check. I had a big leak,  it was pinkish clear as usual, as we know my waters ruptured days ago. She helped me get cleaned up. Right after I was all clean, I had a painful cramp and fresh red blood leak.

She called in the doctor, who did a speculum and said my cervix was still closed. 

So I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and go pee.

As I sat to pee the pressure was intense but there was no pee. It was a forward pressure like in my urinary tract, not towards the lower back at all.

I have over the past while formed a very good habit of monitoring my body. And often keeping pads for doctors and nurses. I know it’s seems yuck but words like a lot could mean something very different between each person. If your worried about anything I highly recommend keeping it or taking pictures.

So as I look between my legs to see why there’s pressure but no pee, and I see a pink skin coloured something. It’s coming out, OMG it’s him, OMG It’s his butt.

He is sliding out and there is definitely no drugs to stop this. 

With my right hand I hold onto his little body and with the left I hit every call buttons and I screamed for help. I’m not sure what I screamed out but I think it was ‘now now’.

The nurse and doctor were just outside my room door and came rushing in. The nurse, who was my size, helped me waddle back and lifted me onto the bed. I had both my hands trying to hold baby still between my legs, he was more than half out. I will never get the image of his tiny purplish folded body out of my head. And the feeling of his heart beating so strongly in my hands. He is alive! They need to help him, Oh f#$& I hope they’ll help him.

In a blink the room was full of nurses, midwives and doctors, I have no idea who anyone is but thank goodness for every person that was in there.