Smashing Milestones
NICU 26
First outfit
Day 71 - 75
Gestation 33-34 weeks
Kayden is due another eye test, his fourth or fifth, I can’t remember.
I haven’t seen one done before because in NICU they came early early in the morning. I’ve been told it’s rather unpleasant so I’m mentally preparing, I have seen him go through so much already.
While waiting for the eye drops the Dr. calls me over to show me the brain scan. He put Kaydens last scan beside the newest and there is a clear change. His voice is chipper as he explains the images. It’s a short and sweet good news review.
We are ready for the eye test, they keep the eye open with this small metal device that looks like a cross between a lash curler and a medieval torture device. Kayden is not happy about it and fair enough. I place my hands on him and talk to help comfort him. They squeeze a mound of gel over the open eye and take photos. It is definitely cringeworthy and then they do the other eye. Poor wee dude, we finish off with lots of cuddles.
On day 72, we move to high flow. This is a big deal! It means so much for us, it means less tubes, we can see his face, his hats comes off and his mouth is free to try breastfeeding. He took to it like a champion, they gave him a touch of oxygen 25% for support. He is in a flow of 8 and it will stay there a while.
I love being able to see his little head. I can tickle, massage him and smell and kiss it. I love his little head.
Finally, I can give him kisses, plural kisses. Between the cpap and masks it’s a manoeuvre to find his cheeks for a kiss. Now I have this beautiful head available for repeat kisses.
And the next day Kayden was in a onesie, his first piece of clothing. That’s right, 73 days old and he wore his first piece of clothing. It came out of the SCBU closet and it was chosen by a nurse. I came in to discover it and was so happy to see him meet another milestone. I didn’t even consider I didn’t pick it out or buy it new for him until writing this post.
He has done so well on his high flow overnight I decide to try him on the boob. I had this weird feeling like I was waiting for someone to tell me I’m allowed. Then I remember he is my baby and I make these choices. On the boob he went and made a wonderful first effort.
The doctor came around for some chats. Kaydens ROP (eye test) has improved from a stage 2 to a stage 1. That’s good news, except we never knew he had stage 2 ROP. At least it’s something I didn’t have to worry about. We kind of assumed that eye surgery was par for the course with a baby of his gestation. It’s now looking less likely.
The doctor checked his jewels and has confirmed it’s a hydrocoele, not a hernia. Again, we assumed the hernia surgery was going to happen before we leave hospital and now may not. I’m being iffy because things are always changing so if I keep the mindset that these surgeries are still possible then I’ll be elated when we go home without them.
Another day and another milestone. On day 74 Kayden got his first bath. He wasn’t stinky stinky just that smell of skin being stuck together, behind his ears mostly. He loved his first bath, he had a few startles raising his arms but mostly was relaxed. His little legs floating in the water. I dried him off and finished up with some coconut oil on his head, now he smells delicious on his kissable head.
On day 75, I reached a milestone. I took Kayden out of his cot and put him back in by myself. It feels amazing to be independent. He still has a thick high flow tube, two monitor leads and an NG tube, it’s tricky but I can manage it with some practice.
It has been an incredible week hitting these milestones. Wearing clothes, having a bath and picking up your baby by yourself are things I wish we could have done from day 1. We have waiting a long 75 days to reach here, it’s humbling and heart wrenching. This journey isn’t what I picture for us when I was pregnant. I always knew I was high risk with Kayden but 22 weeks is just…
Just, that’s the right word. He JUST made it.
So maybe we wait longer for these unremarkable milestones but we get to have him and keep him. I have to sometimes remind myself to be grateful for that.
It’s a very hard journey. I have actively think to keep the jealousy at bay. I think it’s normal for microprem mums to have these feelings. Even anger and frustration when people complain about what we would consider non issues or even dreams. These feelings are all valid.
What I would give to have cooked Kayden for a few more weeks. Not even full term just to around Sylvies gestation or anything 30+ weeks.
I can wish but I can’t change what happened.
This is our journey.