He Seemed like he Would Break
NICU 12
Their first cuddle ❤️
Day 20 - 24
Gestation 26 weeks
Another day and he is still on cpap with NIPPV around 40-50% oxygen. They have increased the rate and pressure of the flow. He is working hard and has lost weight but we make it through the night.
Onto day 3 on CPAP NIPPV, no red marked apneas. These things become so normal I forget to explain; if he self corrects a Brady, dsat or tachy he get a little blue tic. If he has an apnea that requires nurses intervention he gets a red mark and all stats at the time are noted. His has a very big binder.
His belly is still swollen, his butt is still red and we have a nice long cuddle. I seem to be ok healing wise. Hoping the antibiotics and time will do the trick. Ive had a few clots but no major bleeds or fresh blood.
He is 3 weeks old today and they take off the NIPPV. He is a ferocious bubbler on the cpap in about 40% oxygen. He is up to 10ml of milk every 2 hours and weighs a whopping 600grams.
He’s doing well on the cpap alone and we get a nice long cuddle. He is starting to make little sounds like a tiny gerbil.
Another day through, one at a time. His rash is healing and looking a lot better. His belly is very swollen and his little jewels too.
My hands are officially falling apart from all the washing and sanitising. For me, there is no magic cream to fix it, I have tried them all.
Today is Lees birthday, in the madness of it all, I nearly forgot to pick up his cake. Thankfully the bakery is on route to the hospital and it caught my eye. I would have fallen apart if I did forget. Sounds silly, it’s just cake but I ordered it two weeks ago and have been really looking forward to it. When your sitting on the edge small things can have big impacts. That chocolate salted caramel cake was a needed highlight.
After 24 days Lee is going to get his first cuddle on his birthday. I pushed him into it and in the end he said he needed the push. And here are a few words from him.
[I didn’t want to pick him up, I was scared of the size of him. He seemed like he’d break. He was really really tiny and I just thought he should be in the incubator.
When I felt him for the first time he was sticky, his skin would get stuck to your finger. I was so worried and still worry about moving his head and neck.
But I don’t have any doubts in my head. I knew he would survive. I knew I would get to hold him. And I knew it would take nurses to help me hold him. That doesn’t bother me.
It would have been nice to wake up on my birthday and have him home, have everyone here. But this is our normal in a way. ]
It really has become our normal. It seems to be the way we make a family. I undercook them, I have no idea what it would be like to go home from hospital with your baby, you know at the same time. I definitely fantasised about it, I dreamed of making it 36 weeks with Kayden. A dream that will never come true for us.